I want to share something very personal with you all. Everything I’m about to say is based on my own opinions and experiences and as with anything in life, you should see how it resonates with you based on your belief systems and what is true for YOU.
In February I was reading stories with our daughter in her bed when I leaned over to my left side and felt something beneath my top. I thought that there must be something in my shirt or in my pocket but when I felt around, I discovered my first lump on my breast. Why do we instantly freak out? Media, horror stories, the crazy amount of women being diagnosed with cancer every day.
I thought “oh so that’s what a lump feels like”. Cancer didn’t enter my mind but I see how it can so easily. Only a few months earlier, a well-known woman in our area, Kate aka The Holistic Nutritionist was diagnosed with breast cancer after finding a lump and the doctors considered her “too healthy” for further investigation. Kate had reached out to me prior to her diagnosis to meet up, but for whatever reason, it didn’t happen. We did try again after her diagnosis but it was a whirlwind of appointments for her and it wasn’t meant to be. Sadly, she passed away in June of this year leaving behind 2 young children and a husband. I mention Kate as I know part of her sharing her story was so that people would get checks done. Even if you have small breasts and even if you are deemed “healthy “ physically. Thanks to Kate, I took my lump more seriously than I normally would have.
I contacted my Doctor and explained to him what was happening. Because I had a rough year with my health (in my beliefs, releasing a lot of old trauma and emotions) he took action straight away and referred me for an ultrasound. I informed him that we happened to be in Dunedin the following week on holiday and that I had already booked in for a thermograph as that’s what I felt was right for me. He supported me on my decision which was fabulous and really what you expect from a professional. What people don’t often realise is that there are many options when it comes to your health and you are welcome to explore as many of them as you like without anyone’s judgment. Thermography is not well known here in New Zealand but I had previously researched this area in terms of trauma to your body, so was well aware of how they work and for me, it made sense.
My first appointment was in Dunedin in a motel room. At 41, this was my first assessment of my breast health apart from when the midwife moves your breast into position to help feed your baby and check that there is no cracking etc. I can’t remember the ladies name but she was instantly welcoming and made me feel comfortable. I came away feeling confident that things were all good and that the results would be sent to me over the next few weeks.
What a contrast from this experience to the next day attending an ultrasound at a private hospital where you pay per breast! This still makes me laugh. There wasn’t even a 2 for 1 deal! There was no warmth in the doctor or nurses presence. No compassion or empathy for what you were experiencing just being there. Firstly I was questioned as to why a mammogram wasn’t my first choice of investigation and then I was asked if I had experienced blunt force trauma or had been in a recent car accident of any kind as the ultrasound glided back and forth over my breast. At that moment I thought fuck it, you are clearly seeing something so I asked her straight out to which she replied: ” well I will have to consult with my colleagues”, then more questions about if I would have a mammogram and would I consider a biopsy.
I never did hear back from the specialist. After 2 weeks I called my doctor to find out the results for me. Such poor communication and I can only imagine what this does to women who are freaking out or who have any family history. Medical professionals have the power to make you have hope or can instil fear into you. To me, it’s a no brainer….give hope every time until you know otherwise. Anything less is an abuse of your professional conduct. There is no room for a doctor having a bad day or personal opinions on which treatments/ investigations they choose. It makes me angry even writing this as I reflect on this experience, but in saying that, if it was a beautiful experience I wouldn’t be writing this and emphasising the effect that fear can have on a person’s health.