On the 31st of January 2022, Seargent Ian Madden was assaulted. One unprovoked punch in the early hours of the morning whilst on shift, saw Ian knocked unconscious hitting the pavement like a ragdoll. Fortunately, his shoulder made impact first before his head or I would be telling a very different story. We have been asked many times to have our story told by reporters but have politely declined because of the perspective they may take. I want to tell OUR story with honesty and integrity rather than finding the best angle to make out a villain and a victim for good reading and to create emotions of fear and anger for the sake of entertainment value. Instead, we want people to know the story of a community that rallies together when one of their own is hurt and how we have chosen as a family to focus on our future together and the lessons that come from an experience such as this. I’m not a journalist. I write to heal and I write to process.
Today, we still feel the effects of the assault 18 months later, on our relationship and our family. Like grief, it doesn’t just heal and go away. It has layers. For whatever reason our lives collided in the early hours of that morning, we may never know but it taught us so much about ourselves and the importance of community, support, where you place your focus and the choice of perspective to manage an experience like this.
As the wife of a police officer and an ex-emergency service worker, I know the risks of the job. The passion and love Ian has for the service and the community outweighs the possible trauma of a day at work. Some part of me always knew this day would come, so an officer at the door of high rank in the early hours of the morning was not a surprise. A sense of calm flowed over me as this was not my first rodeo. My mind was clear and methodical as to what would happen next and what I could control. My focus was on our 8-year-old daughter and how I could explain to her what had happened to her Dad and why he hadn’t returned home.
My biggest fear as a Mum was that this would be a traumatic event for our daughter with lasting implications. My job as a parent is to protect her but at the same time, I wasn’t going to hide the reality of what had happened. The relationship she has with her Dad is a bond that is tighter than any border restriction placed on this country. Her Daddy’s injuries made her feel sick and I had to choose between supporting my husband or our daughter. I felt comfort in the Police whānau being there to provide Ian with what he needed so I could focus on Nia and support her emotions. I learned the importance of “being” not “doing”.
I started to question justice as a result of this event as I lay in an empty house the night of the assault unable to fall asleep. I was so tired from directing calls, emails, in-person drop-ins and the result of a day that had been planned very differently. Whilst people were at home with their families, my family had been divided. Our justice system allowed the man responsible to be back with his family the same night whilst my husband awaited multiple surgeries in another city. The man in question got to sleep in his own bed. My husband wasn’t even offered a bed when he reached Dunedin ED with his jaw fractured in 3 places and his clavicle in another awaiting metal plates to be added to both.
I’m not angry at this man. If the justice and health systems can fail my family then at some point the system failed this man too. Hurt people, hurt people. The country at the time was surrounded in fear thanks to the media, division thanks to mandates and Kiwis longing to return to a place they call home, displaced by paperwork and politics.
To try and make sense of justice on this occasion I look at it from all angles. I used to think justice was punishment for your wrongdoing. But the more I think about justice and how little control we have over the outcome when cases go to court, the only people winning at the end of the day are lawyers. A case can be won or lost due to the lawyer’s efforts not necessarily what the offence was. People are let down by the system from a very young age. Not everyone is given the tools to manage emotions, particularly anger. When a significant life event happens, some people’s coping mechanisms are alcohol and violence. This may be the only way they have been shown. The justice system recognises this in court and sentences are reduced as a result. But what are they doing to prevent people from ending up in the system in the first place if they acknowledge a societal pattern?
The recent bus crash in Australia with the loss of 10 lives pulls at my heartstrings as I read about the mother and daughter who have passed along with the husband and wife who leave behind two young children. There will never be any justice for this act. No amount of time or money will mask the amount of pain and suffering their loved ones will encounter. But what could ease the pain is for the driver to show remorse and make his life count in some way that is meaningful for his life being spared.
On Tuesday the 13th of June 2023 the sentencing took place and I felt nothing. This part of the process obviously wasn’t important for me but it was to Ian. My disappointment with the system in the past left me with no expectations of the outcome and no sentence or reparation would change what we encountered, individually and as a family.
We had hoped that the sentence would have brought closure for us, but unfortunately, it reopened the wounds from the incident. We both agree that the best outcome for this man would be to get the help he needs and that he does not become a repeat offender. That he becomes the best version of himself for his wife, children and family. This is what Justice looks like to me. People make mistakes that can affect the direction of another person and their family’s life. Mistakes are to be learned from and create opportunities for growth. If this was a natural disaster that had caused injury to Ian, there is no justice but there is an acceptance that the world is more powerful than any court process and there are things at play in life that we cannot see or understand.
Justice is breaking the cycles. Justice is creating new patterns and opportunities for people to feel safe and supported and learn more about themselves and their feelings. It’s education on how we mask our emotions with food, alcohol, sex, work and exercise so that we don’t have to feel the pain of past trauma, loss or grief or recent events.
We are not victims and in no way am I excusing the man’s behaviour or his actions. I have made a conscious choice about where to place my energy and focus and choose compassion and understanding over hate and anger because I know what feels better for me and what I need to move forward in my life and for my family.
We all have a choice when it comes to judgement. When we understand what leads people to use their fists as an expression of anger then we can create new conversations and self-awareness around preventive support for people before they become another statistic.